Rob & Me (but not rly)

Why, hello 2006 Robert Pattinson signing headshots of yourself as Cedric Diggory.

Why yes, you are incredibly good looking.

Why yes, that may infact be me sitting next to you, looking absolutely darling in a hideous maroon tshirt and tacky surf jewelry.

Why yes, I am imagining you naked, hence the glazed expression.

Why yes, I am biting my thumb because I’m so nervous being in the presence of your hotness.

Too bad I was in year 12 and had long hair in 2006, because pretty sure whoever that is is my secret twin who my parents shipped off to the other side of the world at birth. Pretty sure I also wish that was me, because have you looked at the clearly gorgeous boy sitting next to secret twin me?

Also pretty sure I bite my nails and my secret twin does not. Shame, I thought we’d have more in common. Although, it’s obvious from my secret twins UGLY SHIRT! that we do not.

Of course, to anyone that matters, I’m going to pretend that’s me. Because I can. And because everyone will be so jealous.

Dear Spunk Ransom,

I hope one day, when we meet, you will remember me from this time when this photograph was taken. (even though it isn’t me, but you won’t be able to tell!)

I also hope you will compliment me on how dramatically my sense of style and fashion has improved.

I further hope you will let me kidnap you and auction bits of you (hair, nail clippings, faeces) off to your cashed up tweenie fanbase (who once hated you, lord knows why*) so that I might save up enough money to go and gamble in Las Vegas for my 21st birthday.

I lastly hope you will take me back to Britain with you and introduce me to Nigella Lawson.


p.s. I would also say I would like to have your babies – because I know they’d be very attractive – but that’s creepy like Hagrid’s special secrets in the Forbidden Forest are creepy. So I won’t say that.

*excuse me, cashed up tweenies who once sent hate mail to Spunk, Cedric Diggory was so cool and then Voldermort killed him and turned him into a vampire, it makes PERFECT logical sense, so whatevs in your face, tweenies

That is all for tonight, folks.

And please! Hide those green eyed monsters!

Your Leader,

p.p.s. Credit to Topaz Shadows for the image. And you can find many more photos of Robert and my secret twin right HERE!

MAJOR EDIT: CHECK OUT THIS ONE! Yeah, bet my secret twin’s name is Liz. And I bet she’s totally hanging out in that den of sin right about now… 😛 (Liz in the den of Sin… Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…)