I saw High School Musical 3 today, and as promised, I shall relay to you the events of this epic day as historically acurately as possible.

WARNING: HSM3 Spoilers are contained in this review. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE RUINED FOR YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I went to see the movie with Celia and some other people who are Celia’s friends. As it was a 1:45pm session on a school day, the cinema was relatively sparce. Just a few little kids and some tweenie boys who didn’t like the movie but had streamer type things that they were throwing around. But that was ok, cos a packed cinema = a bad cinema.

Celia and I were probably the two most excited people there – despite being 21 (12) and 19 (9) respectively. So Celia, this post is dedicated to you and your red sunglasses with the ‘Celia Rocks’ sticker on them.

Now onto the movie.

We left off with the Wildcats at the end of the summer vay-kay, all getting along nicely, singing by the pool.

We return in senior year:

As expected, due to an increase budget and the fact that it was IN CINEMAS (and not on tv), the opening was truely epic. The opening image is Troy, zoomed in so close you can see the sweat beads – cos that’s what tweenies find sexy and all. He’s playing basketball and you know what I said to Troy? I said:

Photobucket

Which was smart of me and all, because it was 16 minutes until the end of the game and our precious Wildcats were losing by some ludicrous amount that no real basketball team would ever be able to make a comeback in real life. But this is Disney life and anything is possible in Disney life.

So our hero Troy and his choir of musical sportstars sing a song about how there’s only 16 minutes left until the end of the game and sixteen minutes left until they take off their Wildcats uniforms for the last time and sixteen minutes until the end of forever. Cos you know, it’s gotta be dramatic and all.

Of course, the comeback is aided by the fact that there are countless fouls by the opposing side which give the Wildcats lots of free shots.

The Cheerleaders also help – lead by Martha (aka Fatty), the hip-hop loving nerd from the first two movies.

And then, with only MERE SECONDS TO GO – and with the WHOLE cinema on the edge of their seats – there is a horrendous foul by that evil team in blue and yellow and Troy is KNOCKED OFF HIS FEET! OH NO!

Best friend/secret lover Chad (henceforth known as ‘The Chad’) comes in and helps him up and then, in true movie style, everyone seems to DISAPPEAR and Gabriella (henceforth known as ‘The Lost Olsen Triplet’) STANDS UP and sings to him in her nails-on-the-chalkboard voice that she believes in him and he can do it, cos that’s what Disney is all about.

Photobucket

We return to Disney-Reality and Troy tells his dad to put Rocketman on the court. BUT WHO IS ROCKETMAN?!

Sitting at the end of the bench, hidden under his Wildcats tracksuit hood, is a scrawny little kid with a mop haircut who has obviously been sitting there ALL season, neglected, as we’ve never seen him before. He is super excited and he goes onto the court and HE SHOOTS THE WINNING GOAL! YAY ROCKETMAN! (Rocketman’s name is apparently Jimmy, but you don’t learn that till about 20 mins from the end, so whatever.)

Obviously he is going to be the star b-baller and continue the HSM tradition in HSM: The Next Generation, as he has an uncanny resemblance to our hero, Troy.

So then, there’s this huge after party at Troy’s pad, but Troy and The Lost Olsen Twin are hiding in his treehouse and you can tell they totally just want to get nekkid, but his mum comes and ruins it. (Oh and it turns out Rocketman is, like, obsessed with Troy in a kind of creepy tweenie Twilighter-stalking-Rob Pattinson kind of way. But more on that later.)

Photobucket

Troy and The Lost Olsen Twin sing a mushy song and then his mum ruins their moment and makes them come down from the treehouse – probably because she knows they want to nekkid-it-up and as this is a Disney movie, better step in before it gets too steamy for our eyes.

Photobucket

Ok, so then we skip across to Sharpay (aka Queen Bitch of Pink), who makes a real Charlie’s Angels style entrance, with the wind-in-her-hair and the pink snakeskin skirt and the pout and the hip-jut. Every little girl wants to be Sharpay!

Photobucket

Queen Bitch hires a personal assistant, a mini-me style Princess Bitch from Britain, aptly named Tiara Gold. Seriously, what kind of name is that? Why not just call her Princess Bitch and be done with it? Well that’s what I’m gonna do, cos clearly this movie had a few problems.

When Mrs Darbus announces almost no one has signed up for the Spring Musicale and tells Queen Bitch she can have a one-woman show, Music Dweeb Kelsi quickly writes down EVERYONES NAME on the list, because she’s a weirdo like that. Mrs Darbus (aka Sourpuss) is thrilled and everyone gets super shitty at Music Dweeb, except The Lost Olsen Twin, who agrees to be in the play because she isn’t doing a billion other extracurricular activities and has time to screech and yowl and make our ears bleed.

Troy then reluctantly agrees, because he is WHIPPED like white eggs for a meringue, and because of peer pressure, everyone else changes their mind as well.

Sourpuss then decides that the play will be about the gang’s final months at East High, you know: the winning basketball match, the prom, graduation, etc. And all the characters will play themselves and, of course, the whole play will focus around Troy and The Lost Olsen Twin. So basically they are playing HSM3 within HSM3, which gives them an excuse to sing two prom songs, two basketball songs and hold two graduations.
Because one is always more epic than two. Just look at the Evans twins! (Queen Bitch and Ryan, aka Closet) They’re living proof of this!

Photobucket

Photobucket

Sourpuss also tells everyone that Julliard (which is like WAAPA and NIDA but better) is sending scouts to look at Queen Bitch, Closet, Music Dweeb and Troy. Queen Bitch, obviously, is desperado for the bloody scholarship to Julliard and sings a song about how she is going to be a super celebrity – oh and so is Closet.

Photobucket

So after that fabulous little number/amazing musical sequence, we skip to the next day, where Troy asks The Lost Olsen Twin to the prom, and they do a dance on the roof of the school and the camera becomes obsessed with The Lost Olsen Twin’s legs and she almost flashes us about twenty billion times… AND THEN IT STARTS TO RAIN!
And it’s all a bit Disney-pornographic.

Photobucket

Can I just mention here that the movie is set in Albuquerque? That’s in New Mexico, where it’s desert-y and dry and yet all the scenery is lush and green and rainy. Excuse me, what happened to geographical accuracy, Disney?

Then there’s some musical rehearsals, about their excitement for the prom, and we get to see Troy in some pretty tight blue pants, reminiscent of Grease. (Actually, there’s a few nods to Grease throughout the film, to be acknowledged later.)

Photobucket

Music Dweeb is later found, by Closet, in the music room, writing for the musical. (Closet is the choreographer.) She’s writing some sappy mush for Troy and the Lost Olsen Twin to sing to eachother, and Closet takes over, sings her love serenade back to her and then asks her to the prom.

Photobucket

That’s right people! The boy we were all 500% sure was gay is totally crushing on the loner dweeb girl! Oh Disney, you did it again!

So then Troy and The Chad have a Village People moment in a caryard, covered in grease and doing really suggestive moves and we half-expected them to hook up and do it in the back of the rusty yellow Chevvy truck in the caryard. But instead they played pretend like children and THEN ACTUALLY BECAME CHILDREN! Mini Troy and Mini The Chad were the most super cute things in the movie.

Photobucket

Then Queen Bitch finds out that The Lost Olsen Twin has been accepted into some special early super nerd program at Stanford Uni and is leaving East High early and can’t be in the play. Troy doesn’t know this, so Queen Bitch goes and tells Troy and Troy has a sad moment and convinces The Lost Olsen Twin to atleast come back for prom. She agrees, and then says goodbye and goes to Stanford.

Then Coach Dad finds out that Troy is being considered for Julliard and he’s all like “um excuse me basketball” and Troy’s all like “um excuse me, let me consider my options” and then runs away to the school and sings this song called Scream, so really let’s say he screams a song out and takes off his shirt and then puts on his basketball uniform and runs around the school and the corridors spin around and he slides around on the floor/walls/ceiling kind of like that spinning tunnel thing at the carnival in Grease and it’s really quite sexy and my god I want one of those spinning corridor things. And my god I can’t believe I found the whole thing sexy… Please let’s not tell anyone that!

Then Sourpuss catches him and tells him that she sent his application into Julliard without him knowing cos she thinks he’s amazing and she probably thinks dirty about him because she’s probably old and alone and he’s young and sexy.

The Lost Olsen Twin then calls Troy and tells him she’s not coming back for prom, she needs to move on now and he is super depressed, so drives ALL the way to Stanford in a suit and tells her that ‘prom is wherever she is’ and I gagged because it’s so corny and they do some more dancing and she agrees to return for the play. Because otherwise Queen Bitch will have to play The Lost Olsen Twin in the place.

Because Stanford is a billion miles away from East High, Troy calls and says they won’t make it for the beginning of the play. Queen Bitch will still play The Lost Olsen Twin, Rocketman is now going to play Troy and Mini-Princess Bitch will play Queen Bitch. Confusing, right? Oh! And just to confuse you more, there’s a mini-The Chad – Rocketman’s best friend – who is the stage manager.

So Queen Bitch goes on and performs as The Lost Olsen Twin and then Rocketman, who freaked out, takes ages to appear on stage, causing Queen Bitch to have to resing lines of the song. Rocketman appears – she was expecting Troy – in this MAD outfit and sings and tries to kiss her and it’s all round hilarious.

Photobucket

In true Disney style, Troy and The Lost Olsen Twin show up to save the day and go on to perform their song that Music Dweeb wrote and Closet is happy and mimicks the dance behind the curtains and all is well…

EXCEPT IT ISN’T!

Mini-Princess Bitch was actually a scheming bitch all along and steals Queen Bitch’s dress and goes on to play Queen Bitch. Of course, not to be outshone or to go down without a fight, Queen Bitch makes a really cool entrance with an umbrella, kind of like Mary Poppins, and crashes Mini-Princess Bitch’s performance and steals the show and THEN all is well.

Photobucket

Closet and Music Dweeb get the scholarships to Julliard – where they are so going to hook up, despite him clearly being gay – and Troy picks to go to Berkley in California so he’s close to The Lost Olsen Twin and so he can dance AND play b-ball. The Chad is sad, but then gets happy again when he realises that it’s ok, their univerisity b-ball teams will play eachother.
Queen Bitch doesn’t get into Julliard, but she seems ok with it in the end and she’s going to the University of Albuquerque (where The Chad is going) and is going to return to East High to assist in the drama dept. (So she can enact revenge upon Tiara and also so she can make a cameo in future HSM’s.)

And they all graduate twice – both in the play and then on the field at East High and they sing a song called High School Musical (how original), which lacks the omph of the last two closing numbers, but is still good. And it all seems a bit Grease and I was just WAITING WAITING for the flying car…

…There’s no flying car, but the credits are done yearbook style, just like Grease. So that was cool also.

Now, because I didn’t want to ruin the flow of my review/complete recount of the plot, here’s a few things that are worth mentioning but didn’t fit elsewhere:
-Zeke (the baking b-baller – what aliteration!) is still obsessed with Sharpay, but they never hook up. Sad face.
-Martha is back, singing and dancing and popping up in the background of almost every scene! She’s looking to impress the boys. lol
-That blank/vague looking boy with the stubble – Jason – is afraid he won’t graduate, but scrapes through and ends up graduating. He doesn’t get into any fancy colleges though. He wears a baseball cap with a tassle to graduation
-Taylor (the girl dating Chad) plays hard-to-get with Chad, and I’m pretty sure they don’t end up staying together after graduation because she goes to Yale and he doesn’t. She wears really shocking outfits throughout the movie. It was enough to make the Fashion Police want to throw themselves off cliffs in dispair! (Because, really, her outfits are not only bad, but also just the exact same outfit in different pastel colours! Gag-worthy!)
-Kelsi got cool and confident and street-savvy and is unbearable. She also got with Closet, as I mentioned.
-Troy and The Chad steal Rocketman and mini-The Chad’s clothes and make them run through the school with their towels on. They all get detention.
-Rocketman takes photos of Troy’s room at the post-b-ball party at the beginning of the film. He’s creepy but oh so adorable.
-Troy tells Rocketman that Sharpay has a crush on him and so Rocketman wears foul cologne and tries to kiss her, she sneezes and runs away.
-Rocketman is my new best and favourite character. (and he has the best collection of beanies known to man)
-The Wildcats get really cool hoodies with their logo printed on the side. Sharpay has a set in pink, with the logo in rhinestones. I want one.

Photobucket

And as all I have really done is just tell you the whole film in my own twisted way, I will now actually tell you what I thought of it.

The film was epic, as expected. They obviously had a far larger budget and the whole thing was that much more sparkly and shiney and musically and fabulous and the whole screenplay for I Want It All (Sharpay & Ryan) was absolutely amazing and mind blowing and my god I wanted to be part of it.
Another favourite part was the spinning corridor with Troy.
I almost pissed myself laughing when Rocketman and mini-The Chad ran through the school in just towels. That was cheeky fun.
It was overall a good, clean, fun, Disney film with good, clean, fun, Disney morals and a good, clean, fun, Disney ending. It wasn’t as good as the first, however it didn’t fail to impress me. I was definately impressed and I will be seeing it again.
I love High School Musical. I was sad when the credits started rolling.

I’m also really thrilled that they’ve set up the potential for High School Musical: The Next Generation in the characters of Tiara, Rocketman and mini-The Chad (I didn’t catch his name, sorry.) I can’t wait for HSM:TNG! Rocketman steals the show in HSM3. He’s made of awesome.

I also hope they do University Musical, although that’s kind of difficult when they all picked different universities… So maybe just follow Troy? That would be awesome.

Finally, at the end of this 2500+ word review of the movie, I will leave you with two of the best images from the film.
The first is of Kelsi’s prom dress, which was my favorite from the film.
The second is the back of The Chad’s suit jacket, which has his name and b-ball number in purple, it’s spec-TACKY-ular.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Adios readers!
p.s. I’m sorry for the lack of fun photos towards the end. Because the film has just been released, there’s limited stills on the interwebs (and most are bad quality, as you can see) and so I couldn’t find anything. I’ll add more when they become available!

EDIT: YouTube has a small clip of my favourite scene. Quick rundown: Gabriella won’t make it to play her part in the Spring Musicale, Sharpay takes Gabriella’s place (and Tiara takes Sharpay’s). Then, just before she goes on stage, we discover Troy can’t make it either, and so Rocketman takes his place. Sharpay isn’t told this and goes on, excited about kissing Troy on stage, only to have Rocketman jump out. It’s my absolute favourite scene, I almost pissed myself laughing. God I love Rocketman.

Advertisements