Ah Eurovision, you are beautiful, you are wonderful, you gave us ABBA and you gave us Lordi and you gave us those crazy Lativans who sang about being Wolves of the Sea. You are perfect, dear Eurovision.

Infact, dearest Eurovision love, you have managed to top yourself this year, because you gave Europe (and the world, aka me) this perfect manboy:

AlexandeRyback

And for this, Eurovision, I thank you profusely. For bestowing this perfect Norwegian hottie violin dancey crazy man upon us to admire and love and adore and, well frankly, drool over for always and forever, I thank you.

Infact, this years Eurovision was pretty epic. But did anyone else notice the severve lack of comedy acts? Were they just swept under the rug in the semi finals this year? Because I did notice their absence and I did miss them so!

So I’m going to recap my favourite moments of Eurovision this year, rather than rant on about the perfection that is Alexander Rybak for the rest of the post! (But let it be known, he was my favourite moment ever.)

Ok, so I loved the opening act. I loved Mr Russian Hottie who won last years Eurovision Contest, I loved it when he was hoisted into the air, I loved his wardrobe malfunction (even if it wasn’t quite as epic as Janet Jackson’s all those years ago) and I loved how he pulled off those tight white pants and tight white (leather?) shirt and sang his winning song from 2008 and ran through those white wall things and broke them to represent his life.

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I also really liked that he managed to get hot since the last time we saw him! I’m pretty sure I remember him being kinda average looking…

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I just thought this lady was awesome. She was singing way too fast for me to even consider translating, although I got the title, something like “Why Must I/We…” It was awesome, she was awesome.

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Portugal, with their bright, psychadelic swirls that would scare even Austin Powers were so cute and so happy and how could you not want to run up there and rip the shoes from that lady’s feet and put them on your own feet? HOW COULD YOU NOT?

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Greece, with his giant hair straightener/tanning bed/stapler/bright shiney building blocks thing and his exposed stomach and the way he kept touching himself. He was there for all the ladies, and the men… and the lady-mans, too. Greece was greasy sex.

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Russia’s entry this year was a little too deep and profound for Eurovision in my opinion, but man she did a better Sinead O’Conner than Sinead O’Conner! (and atleast she had hair, Sinead!) I liked the ageing effects they gave to giant screen Russian-singer-lady, on the giant screens. Profound, deep, pretentious, Russian.

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Iceland’s entry was referred to as “three minutes of perfect pop” and I have to agree. She was cute, the song was cute, and everything about the set up was just plain cute! I really don’t have anything else to say on the topic…

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I don’t remember what country this is, but I really just liked the green man with the bondage-style sequinned mask on.
And her tutu.
She looks like Nikki Webster.

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Estonia was awesome, I want her dress, plskthnx.

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Ah Germany, I don’t think you were even represented by a German man. He certainly didn’t sound German when he was interviewed by Julia-lady-from-Rockwiz. And she even accused him of not being able to speak German! I think I can safely conclude: this man is not German.
However, he did manage to pull off silver sequinned pants AND even get Dita Von Teese hot on stage! That takes skill… Bet he’s really Greek or some shit like that.

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I don’t quite understand exactly what was intended by this Argentinian show, but it was a floating see-through pool-trampoline thing that I think I want to do… Excuse me whilst I move to Argentina to join the see-through pool-trampoline water circus.

Well, this years Eurovision was certainly epic… Even though I ended up fast forwarding through some songs because they were SO bloody boring or just too fucked up for my eyes. (Malta I’m looking at you here, and Armenia too!)

I liked that parody thing that crazy Russian lady tourist guide did with the “we don’t have bears, we don’t have dictators, we don’t have alcohol” and you could see them all in the background, that was pretty lol.

So that’s all for this tiny mini little small but still epic and a bit lame recap of Eurovision!

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Yum…

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