I love Eurovision. It is everything I could possibly want in a music competition: it’s not too long, it doesn’t have stupidly annoying judges making cliche comments and it is always bloody hilarious.

So of course, excited by the fact that Norway was hosting, I sat down to watch every single second of Eurovision this weekend just past, from the opening of the first semi-final right through to the closing credits of the finale.

Once again, Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang were brilliant hosts, but everybody already knows that! So onto the actual show: my highlights and lowlights.

The return of Alexander Rybak: Hooray! I was so thrilled to see him open the finale! I mean… I knew it was going to happen, but it was still just so exciting. He is amazing, I wish he was on my television every day.

Lithuania: EXCUSE ME! How did these five boys NOT get through to the finale? Hell, they should’ve won! Without a doubt, InCulto’s ‘Eastern European Funk’ was the absolute best song in the competition, and the fact that they pulled off their matching plaid pants to reveal matching sequinned shorts just made it all the more fabulous!
Spectacular, really!

Moldova: Hello first Lady Gaga-esque costume for the show! I want that dress… The song was pretty awesome too, and featured some funky neon-light up violin playing. Clearly Alexander Rybak had influenced some of the countries’ entries, as this was hardly the last violin we saw at Eurovision this year!

Spain: Oddly enough, those who usually insta-qualify for a place in the finale (the UK, France, Spain, Germany and the previous years winning country) are the worst, but Spain was pretty wicked sweet this year. Their vocalist is currently starring in Spanish Mamma Mia, and the circus-themed back up dancers were truly entertaining. It was only made better when some Spanish rogue jumped on stage and joined in their performance (he was later arrested) – that ensured everyone sat up and listened. And although it didn’t seem to affect Spain’s performance, they were allowed to re-perform at the end of the finalists-run, to ensure fair voting or something like that…

France: These guys cetainly had the most body-isolation dance moves (see: gyrating/hip thrusting) and a song that I can see being played on repeat in all French clubs for the next… well forever. It was very Polynesian-French, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they’d stolen Jessy Matador from La Reunion or New Caledonia. Allez, Ola, Ole France!

Greece: Whilst it was doubtful that they could actually AFFORD to host next years Eurovision, Greece still felt the need to put up a strong contestant in Giorgos Alkaios, with his song OPA! It looked as though Greece had recycled last years costumes (maybe due to the economic crisis?), but they didn’t let us down with their performance. I especially liked the pyrotechnics in the drums. 🙂

Albania: Aside from the nappy-pants she was wearing, Juliana Pasha’s performance was perfect, both in the semi and at the final. Hooray her!
She also had the best dressed back up dancers! Juliana, take a que from them… they were not wearing icky nappy-pants!

Germany: The winning country no doubt had the best song that made the finale (I still resent the fact that Lithuania didn’t get through…), but little Lena lacked the theatricality we have come to expect from Eurovision. She wore a little black dress, with black stockings and black heels. Her back-up singers were dressed similarly, and there was absolutely NO choreography! The song was great, yes – and it deserved to win. But please Germany, more theatrics next year! I beg you!

Georgia: Their success made me happy, as I feel a spiritual bond to my namesake nation, however we were playing the Eurovision drinking game and I had to drink everytime my name was said… This was particularly fun in the vote-counting as Georgia received many points – but I was very drunk by the end. Didn’t help that Ireland’s entry’s surname is my middle name. More drinking for me!
I love me.

And finally, Serbia: Is it a man? Is it a woman? Is it somewhere inbetween? No one was really sure (ok it turned out he was a man!), but that didn’t stop little Milan Stankovic, with his funny haircut and pink boots, giving it his all with his ridiculouly catchy song ‘Ovo Je Balkan’. By the end of his three minutes on stage, I was determined to make him my pet… He would follow me around and I could teach him fun tricks like catch and roll over. What fun we would have!
Little Stankovic’s back-up dancers were shockingly out-of-time, which was disappointing, and was probably a factor in his failing to garner more votes. But one thing was sure: the best lyrics of the night went to Serbia. According to the translation on the Eurovision website, one line was: “your chest is tempting me”. Hooray little Serbia! I love your super-strange lyrics Please never leave me.
p.s. wtf teddy bear detail on belt and jacket

Many of the other songs were great… Russia was particularly hilarious, they sung to a shoddy drawing of a girl, and it didn’t matter what Norway was singing about, he was H-O-T hot! Romania’s lady singer couldn’t move very well in her skin-tight leather bodysuit, but they were still pretty awesome. Denmark was a bit overrated, to be honest. Iceland was pretty sweet deal, except she should’ve had a volcano or ash or something hilarious like that. Armenia’s Apricot Stone was one of the weirder songs, but not half as weird as Ukraine’s Avril Lavigne-lookalike. Israel was pretty to look at, but I couldn’t tell what he was singing about… And normally I can tell, regardless of the language. I liked Azerbajan’s (sp?) light-up dress, but I think she could’ve given us more dancing, after all, she worked with Beyonce’s choreography! Belguim was boring. Belarus were dull, except the butterfly wings were pretty cool. The UK’s Josh Debovie was cute, but his back up singers were out of tune and his song lacked depth.

Yeah, some of them were crap (Belarus, Belgium), but bah to them! Honestly the only real negative thing I have to say about Eurovision this year is: EXCUSE ME! WHY DIDN’T LITHUANIA WIN? So offended! (I could honestly rant on all day, but I won’t!)

Til next year, my beloved Eurovision. 🙂

Georgia out!

p.s. lol the UK came last, and he wasn’t even that bad! Belarus was balls – so freaking dull, sorry!