Oh India, how I adore you. Your sights, sounds and smells may be overwhelming, but they only add to the charm that you exude. India, you are probably the greatest country I have ever visited in my life. People love the beautiful silks you have clothed us in, the delicious curries you taught us how to cook and the incredible culture you have spread to the far corners of the world that we so appreciate. India, I love you.

But now, as the Commonwealth Games draw close, it seems as though other Commonwealth nations have begun to turn on you. Turned their backs on everything you have given them. Bloody ungrateful pigs – the world would be a much darker place without rainbow coloured silks and spicey curries. What would the British eat if they didn’t have Indian food? They’d be still eating food from the Dark Ages!

So it seems Delhi has not provided satisfactorily clean housing for the athletes, what are they? Spoilt brats who’ve never done a reall hard days work in their life, is what it looks like. Pick up a bloody scrubbing brush and do it yourself! And surely your parents taught you personal hygiene – it’s common sense! Just don’t drink the water (clean tap water is not an issue unique to India), and carry hand sanitiser – it’s not DIFFICULT!

I’ve always considered athletes to be strong rolemodels – they clearly fail on that front: they are acting like five year olds. Oh mummy there is a little bit of dirt on the toilet seat! I can’t compete! Woe is me, I make lots of money for running/swimming/doing something I love, I have such a hard life having to clean this one little toilet even though it’s probably the only toilet I’ve ever cleaned in my life.
Go die in a hole, seriously, you are embarassing yourselves! You make the rest of the country you represent look like bad people!

Furthermore, the standards (of which are snootily high in this case) of the housing facilities should have been checked on MONTHS ago! The games are MERE WEEKS AWAY! Talk about last minute – it’s you guys who should’ve checked in earlier, maybe then India wouldn’t be scrambling to finish everything AND fix all complaints so late before the games? Lack of organisation on the Commonwealth Board’s part says I! Maybe more careful managing and check ups would’ve been more beneficial?

I spent nearly two weeks in India last year, half of that in New Delhi itself – and I found it to be an incredibly fascinating place, and very safe as well. I had no problem with infrastructure and there was no fear of terrorism or anything similar. Although I love that people fear terrorism so in a city like Delhi, yet are more than willing to frolic around London where terrorism is still a serious issue, just because London is a western city. It’s ridiculous! Same goes for New York (not part of the Commonwealth but irrelevant for making my point), I bet you all dream of going there – what’s that 9/11? And Bali! Oh Bali! Didn’t you have a nasty bombing as well? We still love you though, Bali.

Oh but wait! I have an even BETTER example: Beijing, 2008.

How many countries were afraid to send athletes to Beijing for the Olympic Games in 2008? How many feared Beijing wouldn’t finish building in time? How many worried that the infractructure wouldn’t be to their standards? HOW MANY BLOODY PEOPLE WERE TERRIFIED OF A TERRORISM ATTACK?

The Beijing Olympics went down ridiculously smoothly -without a single hitch.
I. Rest. My. Case.

Suck it up athletes, New Delhi is a fantastic city. Stop being so bloody narrow-minded and afraid of new things. You might even like it, if you gave it a chance. It really is worth your time. Go, represent your country, isn’t that what you’re supposed to be doing – showing other countries how superior your country is? By not going to India, you make not only yourselves look bad, but the rest of us too, don’t embarass your nation!
And if you don’t go, be prepared to give India back everything it ever gave you – because you’re being a crap friend if you stay at home and you don’t deserve India. Hey Britain, do you really wanna give up curry? I don’t think so.

On that note, I am going to go eat some delicious Dahl Makhani. Mmm, Indian food. 🙂