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Oh India, how I adore you. Your sights, sounds and smells may be overwhelming, but they only add to the charm that you exude. India, you are probably the greatest country I have ever visited in my life. People love the beautiful silks you have clothed us in, the delicious curries you taught us how to cook and the incredible culture you have spread to the far corners of the world that we so appreciate. India, I love you.

But now, as the Commonwealth Games draw close, it seems as though other Commonwealth nations have begun to turn on you. Turned their backs on everything you have given them. Bloody ungrateful pigs – the world would be a much darker place without rainbow coloured silks and spicey curries. What would the British eat if they didn’t have Indian food? They’d be still eating food from the Dark Ages!

So it seems Delhi has not provided satisfactorily clean housing for the athletes, what are they? Spoilt brats who’ve never done a reall hard days work in their life, is what it looks like. Pick up a bloody scrubbing brush and do it yourself! And surely your parents taught you personal hygiene – it’s common sense! Just don’t drink the water (clean tap water is not an issue unique to India), and carry hand sanitiser – it’s not DIFFICULT!

I’ve always considered athletes to be strong rolemodels – they clearly fail on that front: they are acting like five year olds. Oh mummy there is a little bit of dirt on the toilet seat! I can’t compete! Woe is me, I make lots of money for running/swimming/doing something I love, I have such a hard life having to clean this one little toilet even though it’s probably the only toilet I’ve ever cleaned in my life.
Go die in a hole, seriously, you are embarassing yourselves! You make the rest of the country you represent look like bad people!

Furthermore, the standards (of which are snootily high in this case) of the housing facilities should have been checked on MONTHS ago! The games are MERE WEEKS AWAY! Talk about last minute – it’s you guys who should’ve checked in earlier, maybe then India wouldn’t be scrambling to finish everything AND fix all complaints so late before the games? Lack of organisation on the Commonwealth Board’s part says I! Maybe more careful managing and check ups would’ve been more beneficial?

I spent nearly two weeks in India last year, half of that in New Delhi itself – and I found it to be an incredibly fascinating place, and very safe as well. I had no problem with infrastructure and there was no fear of terrorism or anything similar. Although I love that people fear terrorism so in a city like Delhi, yet are more than willing to frolic around London where terrorism is still a serious issue, just because London is a western city. It’s ridiculous! Same goes for New York (not part of the Commonwealth but irrelevant for making my point), I bet you all dream of going there – what’s that 9/11? And Bali! Oh Bali! Didn’t you have a nasty bombing as well? We still love you though, Bali.

Oh but wait! I have an even BETTER example: Beijing, 2008.

How many countries were afraid to send athletes to Beijing for the Olympic Games in 2008? How many feared Beijing wouldn’t finish building in time? How many worried that the infractructure wouldn’t be to their standards? HOW MANY BLOODY PEOPLE WERE TERRIFIED OF A TERRORISM ATTACK?

The Beijing Olympics went down ridiculously smoothly -without a single hitch.
I. Rest. My. Case.

Suck it up athletes, New Delhi is a fantastic city. Stop being so bloody narrow-minded and afraid of new things. You might even like it, if you gave it a chance. It really is worth your time. Go, represent your country, isn’t that what you’re supposed to be doing – showing other countries how superior your country is? By not going to India, you make not only yourselves look bad, but the rest of us too, don’t embarass your nation!
And if you don’t go, be prepared to give India back everything it ever gave you – because you’re being a crap friend if you stay at home and you don’t deserve India. Hey Britain, do you really wanna give up curry? I don’t think so.

On that note, I am going to go eat some delicious Dahl Makhani. Mmm, Indian food. 🙂

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“My challenge now is to ensure that I’m not the best Opposition Leader never to have become prime minister.”

Says Tony Abbott, in his speech after he failed to win the majority after the end of a 17 day election battle from hell. On the 7th of September, 2010.

Um, pretty sure you can shove that shit up your ass Abbott, for one that position is Kim Beasley’s and for two if you SAY it about yourself it becomes even less true. Don’t be so pig-headed.

And pretty sure I had plans to move to NORTH KOREA rather than return back to Australia at the end of my stint in America if Abbott won government.

Yeah. Exactly.

Don’t be such an egotistical shit Abbott, no one likes a bragger.

YAY GILLY!

Dear Julia Gillard,

I had a dream! A dream that one day I would wake up, look in the mirror, smile, and be able to say “Hallo, first female Prime Minister of Australia.” and my reflection would smile back at me and I would be pleased.
Thank you so much for stealing my dream.

That was a sneaky sneaky trick you pulled there on Wednesday night/Thursday morning (don’t point fingers, Julia Gillard, I care not for who started it! Only that you finished it!) and it shocked the nation. Julia Gillard, I was late to work because I was glued to that television, watching you become top dog. I was initially pissed off… but then I was so proud of you because I never quite understood anything Kevin Rudd ever said, I often wondered if he spoke a language known to man or if he was from a far distant planet. You, however, Julia Gillard, speak the plainest of Englishes and my initial anger towards you and your coup was quickly subsided by my growing love for you and your frankness.

Of course, you are only caretaker Prime Minister, and it is yet to be seen if the people will vote you in officially, symbolically (as of course, we vote for individual candidates who make up party majorities) because we can only vote for you in our minds… Which we do. Don’t fight me on this, people of Australia, I know you consider the party leader when it comes time to decide your vote, regardless of who your local member is. (Mine is Julie Bishop!)

Now Julia Gillard, I know it seems small of me to be angry at you for stealing my dream, as shouldn’t the feminist in me be rejoicing that you, a lady, has come to hold what is one of the most powerful positions in AUstralia? Well yes, I am actually. You may have stolen my dream, but I am pleased it is you, despite also being a little upset you are a dream stealer.

You see, Julia Gillard, I am a well educated voter, a swing voter at that, and someone who has had a deep interest in politics since I was a small girl of nine years old (I was a key player in campaigning for a republic Australia to my class mates in primary school.) and I have always taken a keen interest in the happenings of our nation. Infact, I have gone on to major in Political Science at University and I was always baffled by Kevin Rudd. As an educated voter, I had no idea what he stood for or anything policy-wise… but you, you have only been in power MERE DAYS and already I have a grasp on what you hope to do for our fair nation. Julia Gillard, if the people throw their support behind you (as I will also be doing), I will be glad to call you my Prime Minister. (However, as you are still only a mere caretaker PM, you do not gain my full respect yet… that coup was a bit shifty, whoever is to blame!)

Julia Gillard, you have the potential to be an awesome Prime Minister, please don’t let me down. Julia Gillard, I am counting on you! BE AWESOME! Do not become vague like Kevin Rudd, or creepily buff like Tony Abbott, stay true to you and I will love you!

Also I am really super impressed that youfrom are Adelaide, I too am from Adelaide (RADELAIDE!) and it is an awesome place! 🙂

Love, Georgia
(also a future female PM of Australia, even though she now cannot be the first)

p.s. Ryan Seacrest, what kind of NORMAL eight year old boy plays on his mobile phone all day? BLANKET JACKSON IS NOT A NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY! NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOYS DO NOT HAVE MOBILE PHONES! He is a VERY LUCKY eight year old boy in that he has a mobile phone. (Obviously in other aspects he has been quite unlucky, like losing his father, but that is irrelevant to my rant right now, as sad as MJ’s passing was.) RYAN SEACREST SERIOUSLY! I LOVE YOUR SHOW! (E! News is my guilty pleasure, I am addicted…) BUT YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO REALITY, BLANKET IS NOT A NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY AND NEVER WILL BE! /endrant.

Last night Tegan and I drove Big Donna (my blue Honda CRV) to North Beach, where Helen was house-sitting. We had dinner plans.

Of course, being Perth and being about 6:45, the traffic was bumper-to-bumper on West Coast Highway, so there was alot of sitting and waiting and being a little bit frustrated. It was as we approached the intersection just before the Rendez-Vous Hotel that we had an epiphany:

Australian’s do not date.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all Australian’s are lonely, single, miserable beings who sit and home and do nothing but watch bad American soaps. (That’s just me. Minus the miserable… and the lonely.) But what it seems is that American movies and American television and American books bring us up to believe that people ask other people out, they go on a few dates and at the end of the first they MIGHT be lucky enough to get a kiss.

Here’s how it works in dear little Australia: we go out, get drunk, hook up… and at the end of the night you MIGHT swap phone numbers and the next morning you either a) regret your actions or b) begin a relationship. That’s basically, in a nutshell, how it seems to go. There are a few variations on this theme, but this is the general jist of things.

I can’t actually think of anyone I know who has been asked, by someone, out on a date, having not previously hooked up with them in some manner. And nor can anyone else, it seems. There’s none of this “go ask that waitress out!” like you see chick-flicks… It seems the only way to get yourself a relationship in this most isolated island-nation is to get drunk and shove your tongue down their throat. Which makes everything that the entertainment-media tell us a complete load of bull! Why do self-help relationship books sell so well when the answer is crystal clear: you WILL NOT be asked out on a date, without having previously hooked up with them, in Australia. Atleast in mine, and my friends, experience.

I’m not trying to be cynical, or bitter, or bitchy – I’m not even trying to advocate FOR this American movie dating thing. I’m just stating the facts as they appear.

Of course, I’d absolutely LOVE someone to prove me wrong. I want to hear that someone, anyone, got asked out WITHOUT a previous hook up behind them. I want to hear that their first kiss was at the end of the first date… or even second! As it all seems like such a myth to me.

All this actually came off the back of mine and Tegan’s discussion about America – as I am off on exchange there later this year. If this ‘dating culture’ really does exist there, I’m not going to have any idea how to act… Dating just doesn’t seem to happen in Australia.

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