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It just so happens that I haven’t seen TWILIGHTTHEMOVIE once BUT INFACT I WENT A SECOND TIME WITH MY CO-WORKERS!

Both times I watched TWILIGHTTHEMOVIE my snack of choice was red liquorice – as for many years now I have felt that if a vampire was going to give up drinking human blood, they would munch on red liquorice. Of course, unlike Stephenie Meyer and Dr. “even my name reaks sex” Carlisle Cullen, I didn’t think to consider that maybe animal blood would be a more realistic and viable alternative. I only just saw the awesome that red liquorice embodies in all its chewy, blood-red goodness.

And of course, at both sessions, when James sexy-sniffed the air and said: “You brought a snack?”, I reached over for my red liquorice and offered some to the vampire au natural, hoping he might leave Bella’s bloody alone and come after my red liquorice… and me. But more on that later.

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For probably the most hilarious and best (but, simultaneously, the most tragic and lame) TWILIGHTTHEMOVIE review, please check out

The movie opens with the prologue from the book, about how Bella would die in the place of someone she loved, blah blah, and bookhaters/moviegoers all go “aww Edward”, except that real Twilighers know that Bella is totally talking about her weirdo mother who is a totaly scatz-brain who says things like “omg is he a jock?” like people actually still use that stereotype! (We ‘young’ns’ prefer the phrase “meathead dickwad” nowadays)

And then, it turns out that our beloved Bella has a PET CACTUS which she pets (pretty sure cactus are not for petting) and she carries it everywhere… well, it disappears when Edward shows. Ooh, little cactus, you just weren’t cuddly enough. Rejection. Bella prefers to hug stone vampire boys – I imagine it’s much like hugging the bathroom floor, which is certainly preferable to your little spikes, oh cacti.

Jacob gives Bella her truck and he has long hair and it’s lush looking and kinda girly – it looks like he’s wearing a headband. But we all deal cos we know it gets chopped off in New Moon. Good.

Then, Bella goes to school and everyone is like “OMG NEW GIRL HAWT” and it’s all a whole bunch of sexual assault. Tyler runs up to Bella and kisses her – not even knowing her name, just staking his claim cos he thinks shes hot… Honestly! Any normal new girl would shout ‘RAPE!’ and run run away.

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Ok, a few honest moments:

1. Mike was perfect, with his misty blue eyes and “jock” jacket. (Oh wait… I mean meathead dickwad jacket. Oops, my bad.)

2. Jessica and Mike’s sexual tension might have maybe possibly just a little bit TRUMPED Edward and Bella’s. This is most evident when Bella hits Mike on the head with a volleyball and Jessica runs in and giggles like the idiot school girl that she is and we all know she is mentally undressing him, cos she’s a dirty perv too.

3. Eric is so cool and so Asian. He’s one of those dweeby types who so so so wants to be cool, but still wears the customary dweeb button up shirt and tie ensemble to school, regardless. He also says things like “homegirl” and runs the school newspaper, nuff said.

Of course, by now we’re getting annoyed – where are the Cullens? Excuse me, I pretty much only came to see them!

Duhn duhn duhn!!!!

The Cullens come marching two by two! Hurrah! Hurrah!

The Cullens come marching two by two! Hurrah Hurrah!

The Cullens come marching two by two! But not the last one, he’s Eddie-poo!

And they all go marching… into the cafeteria! YAY!

Boom! Boom! Boom!

So there’s some Rosalie and some Emmett and some Jasper and SOME ALICE!

Alice is made of pure awesome. Like, you could market her and her slogan would be: Alice: 100% MADE OF AWESOME! And it would be honest advertising. No joke. Just go see the movie for Alice. And maybe the baseball… But Alice is IN the baseball scene, so really you’re still going for Alice.

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Now see, I have to catch an airplane in like… 12 hours. I shall try my absolute best to finish my review before I leave – but no promises. To keep you going, I have posted all the fun images that will be accompanying this review below:

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If I don’t, I know you’ll miss me! I’ll miss you! And um… I’ll postcard you if you send me your address!

xoxo

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Ok I stole this from some place that had pretty pictures. If I can find it again, I’ll link back. If someone else finds it, link me pls. Ta.

p.s. I finished exams! YAY!

I didn’t cheat, I promise. (Ok I saw the last Q as I copied it in… Luckily the last Q makes little to no difference on my choices!)

Pick six fandoms and then answer the questions below. Don’t look at the questions ahead of time šŸ˜›

1. Harry Potter
2. Twilight
3. Hannah Montana
4. Star Wars
5. Gilmore Girls
6. High School Musical

———

1. Who is your favorite character from #2?
Twilight – Ok, this has several possible answers (and would, Twilight or not!). Quite obviously, Edward, but that’s so duh obvious that I don’t count him! So here are my other favourites:
Favourite Cullen: Alice, hands down. She’s me… If I was a vampire?
Favourite Human: Mike. I’m Team Mike always.
Favourite Good Vampire: Stefan & Vladimir
Favourite Ship (besides the obvious): Kate & Garrett… Although, I like to imagine Stefan and Vlad are secret gay lovers who, because they are so old, don’t feel the need to be mushily obvious anymore.
Favourite ‘Bad Guy’: Marcus or Victoria. Marcus cos he’s so freaking bored with everything, he needs a hobby. Victoria because she’s just out to get revenge on the people who broke her heart.

2. Who is your least favorite character from #4?
Star Wars – Um, I didn’t like Palpy when he was pretending to be a ‘good guy’ cos he was lameo. And I didn’t like Count Dooku, he failed at being a Sith cos he didn’t even have the prefix of ‘Darth’! Epic failurism on his part. I also found myself frequently annoyed with that creepy Twi’lek, I can’t remember his name right now, he was Jabba the Hutt’s slave Twi’lek and he was freaking creepy and feral looking.

3. What would a crossover between #1 and #5 include?
Gilmore Girls & Harry Potter – Oh man, can you imagine Rory getting a letter from Hogwarts? Emily would have a FIELD day and Lorelai would be SO psyched and they’d go and tour Hogwarts like they toured Yale and Rory would totally out-magic Hermione with her super skillz. And omg Rory would so blitz everything and win the Tri-Wizard Tournament! And Lorelai would try to invent her own spells and have insane, dangerous fun with magic things and give all the little deprived wizard kids lots of muggle movies to watch so they were well educated because she’d be SO shocked when she heard they hadn’t seen Pippi Longstockings!

4. Who is your favorite ship from #6?
High School Musical – um, clearly Sharpay and the basketballer who likes cooking. I haven’t seen HSM3 yet, I hope they hook up. That’d be delicious. (Yeah, I pun.)

5. If you were to set one person from #3 and one person from #6 on a blind date, who would they be?
Hannah & HSM – Mrs Darbus and Billy Ray. Cos no one else would say that. Also, it’d be epicly hilarious when Billy Ray realised he was going out with an old theatre mole who was probably menopausal hot for him.
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They look so happy… *tear*

6. If you could meet one person from #4 and spend the day with them, who would it be, and what would you do?
Star Wars – Yoda, I’d tell him that I would do or do not, because I could not try. And he’d so train me in the ways of the Jedi and I’d be the best Jedi ever. Or Aayla Secura because she has blue skin, and I’ve always thought it might be a good idea to paint my skin some unnatural skin colour like blue or purple. Also, she has super saber skillz.
Or Chewbacca, we could have a roar-off. Can you imagine that? So totally awesome.
It’d look something like this:
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We’d have an Idol-style panel judging us, consisting of Master Windu, Yoda and probbers Lando Calrissian.

7. If you could change one thing about #2’s plot line, what would you change?
Twilight – Um… Kill Bella and replace her with me? Duh. Who wouldn’t? Who doesn’t want to have freaky pillow-biting sex and freaking mutant babies with Edward? I sure wouldn’t say no! Or have Bella and Mike hook up – just to see the tweenie reactions – that would be the most epicly hilarious thing ever. Team Mike foreverz.

8. Explain a relationship between two people (not necessarily romantic) from show #5, and why you like the relationship between them.
Gilmore Girls – Emily and Lorelai. Because they’re basically my mum and my grandma (dad’s mum), but on television.

9. If the lead title characters (first name in the credits) from #1 and #3 were both drowning, and you could only save one, who would it be?
HARRY AND HANNAH! – OMG! Well, Harry would have his wand right? So I’d save him and then he could save Hannah. Regardless, I’d pick Harry over Hannah. I love Hannah, but Harry’s been with me for over a decade, man. That’s commitment, that is.

10. If you could change the title characters’ order in the credits for #4, what order would you choose?
Star Wars – Um, Chewbacca would be first? But really, I don’t care so much.

11. If you were able to add a new character, any kind of character you wanted, to the storyline for #6, what would the character be like and what would their role be?
HSM – Um, I’d put me in. Cos I so regret not going to a high school where they frequently burst into song and dance when they can’t work out their problems. My role would be ‘girl in the corner with the nose spray’, because that’s pretty much my role in life currently, except I don’t use my nose spray… She’d actually be the most talented person in the whole school and everyone would fall inlove with her (yes, even the girls) once they realised how sexy the nose spray was. Oh, and then nose sprays would become trendy, like heroin or something.
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Look! Sharpay taught me to walk in heels! (pls click the image for the complete text, i’ll shrink it later, i promise!)

12. What happens in your favourite episode of show #2?
Twilight – Episode? Um… Well this could be chapter or book I guess… But my favourite bit is probably when Mike and Jake and Bella all go to the movies and Mike vomits. I so would’ve held his hair back… Even though his hair is too short to hold back.

13. If you could kill off one of the characters of #1, who would it be and how would you do it?
Harry Potter – I think JK Rowling kills off enough characters for all of us, so how about I bring one of them back to life? Clearly I’d bring back Snape. Or Movie-Cedric, as long as it was after Cho had met her muggle lover (cos did you know she marries a muggle? what a loser… oh wait I’m a muggle… um yeah, anyways…) …wait where was I? Oh yeah, Movie-Cedric, as long as I could sex him up good. Cos he’s hot.
Maybe, if I couldn’t bring back someone to life, I’d kill off Marcus Flint for having bad teeth.

14. If you got the chance to visit the set for either show #3 or show #5, which would you choose?
GG & HM – Oh man! How difficult! Well, I guess, because Gilmore Girls has finished, so I’d go on the set of Hannah Montana. Hannah and I would become best friends.
But I’d have to pick Gilmore Girls if that was still going, cos I could run around Yale and drink ‘faux coffee’ cola with Alexis Bledel and have a talkfast-off with Lauren Graham (I’d win) and I’d dance naked on the gazebo and everyone would be thoroughly disturbed by my naked body.

15. So, I saved the best question for last. If you could date anyone from any of these shows, which show and which person?
I think we all know the answer to this question, but I’ll say it just for confirmations sake: Edward, duh. Who wouldn’t? But I’m not going to go stalk Rob Pattinson, cos that’s creepy and he can’t catch a break from those little marriage craving tweenies. Even if he is gorgeous, cos he was like Movie-Cedric as well… Mind you, maybe I should go after him? Poor bloke can’t get a date… Man, what is the world coming to when a hottie like that can’t find a girl? *offers self up for sacrifice, but not in a creepy way, cos i’m not like that…* lol.

~*~

Think you can do better? Prove it. I bet you so can’t, cos you epic fail.

I know I may have vaguely stated that I’d quit the Twi-posts. But seriously, I can’t not say anything.

Due to some twat-head who has gone and posted Midnight Sun on the internet (Meyer’s Twilight from Edward’s point of view), Stephenie Meyer has indefinately put the completion, editing and publication of the book on hold.

This could mean we never see Midnight Sun. And I am seriously about ready to jump on a plane and go and SLAUGHTER whoever uploaded it initially and whoever has passed it on. You ruined it for the rest of the world and god I hope you have trouble sleeping at night.

It’s so awful that Meyer’s been so upset by this, and if she wants to sue, I’ll be her lawyer. (Mind you, she’ll have to wait for me to finish my degree and articles first!)

You can read about it on her website, http://www.stepheniemeyer.com, it’s really sad that she’s been so affected by this and now we all have to suffer because of a few dickheads. (Yes I really am repeating myself, but I’m so pissed off.) Hopefully this indefinateness doesn’t last too long.

As with the rest of the Twi-community, I’m sending my love in her direction and eagerly await whatever comes next. (Even though I know it won’t be Edward-related.)

Signing off.

weheartstephenie
figure 4: The Twilight Community (including me so much) still love SM!

I had my final cervical cancer vaccination today, I swear it was more painful than the previous two, but the nurse assured me that I was just being silly. I tried to distract myself by looking around the room, but this was a ridiculous idea because the whole thing was white. And neon. It hurt my eyes like my skin at the start of summer hurt’s Kt’s eyes.

I’d just like to double back a little now, and add something to my review of Breaking Dawn, I’ve worked out why I felt so empty at the end of it all – and it’s all thanks to the Sydney Morning Herald. Curious as to what caused my emptiness? Edward. He was sidelined! Pushed aside in favour of Renesmee, who was charming everyone left right and centre. Do you want to know what initially drew me to the books? Edward’s charm, not Renesmee’s! Renesmee didn’t even exist until half way through the fourth book! How dare she steal Eddie’s spotlight?!

But enough about that, I’m still in mourning over the end of our imaginary relationship, and would rather not dwell on how perfect he truly is. šŸ˜›

Back to my arm, it’s a little swollen, and I treated myself to a Freddo Frog afterwards, as a pat on the back for being so brave – seeing as there was no one else there to hold my hand! (Probably because I booked the appointment on a whim, without telling anyone! Haha.)

I listened to the new Grates album (Teeth Lost, Hearts Won) tonight, it’s pretty epic. You should go pick yourself up a copy, I really love it. It’s fresh, but still 100% absolutely The Grates – and it has epic cover art. Nuff said.

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fig. 1: Georgia’s opinion of Teeth Lost, Hearts Won

This post wasn’t particularly political or historical or lawical. Sorry if I bored you, I’m bored too. Stupid bloody crim assignment.

Au Revoir.

Ok, so I’ve completed Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. Yes, just like everyone else has. But did everyone else dress up as MARIA on the release date, with an “I’m having trouble dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character.” badge pinned to them?

No, thus I am the biggest fan. Edward andĀ I, we had a very special imaginary relationship until he got married.

Now I know we all have an opinion on this book, but I’ve decided that mine is law, alright? Just because this is my blog and I can say as much.

Let me put this to you now: I will spoil the book for you if you read any further. So allow me to begin with what I loved:

GEORGIA’S TOP TENĀ BREAKING DAWN MOMENTS (in no particular order – georgia doesn’t approve of favouritism)

1. The first book, from Bella’s perspective, it was true Twilight-Saga and thus I was very content.

2. I was very pleased when JacobĀ reappearedĀ – I may be Team Edward, but I do have the softest ever spot for Jake.

3. The honeymoon – it was kinky.

4. Jacob’s perspective, had that section been from Bella or Edward’s point of view, it would’ve all been fret fret fret and a bit dull. And any remaining Jake-haters were surely converted during this part of the overall novel.

5. Leah, my new favourite character. She’s got spunk and she’s tough and she grew up and man how can you NOT love her? Fingers crossed she gets a spin off series.

6. The very last page, it was too cute.

7. When Jacob finally imprinted – giving us an insight into just how special it is.

8. When Jake went against the pack to save the vampires.

9. “I’ll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors.” “Why don’t you just tell me who wins?” “I do. Excellent.”

10. Bella’s first day as a vampire – and all her reactions, including that epic outburst at Jake.

11. (because this is my top ten!) When Charlie met Renesmee.

12. Emmett’s dirty jokes.

13. J. Jenks and his comments about Mr. Jasper.

Of course, as with all books, there were a few moments that had me cringing, so now let me present to you, with a drum roll:

GEORGIA’S UNTOP TEN UNFAVOURITE MOMENTS IN BREAKING DAWN THAT MADE HER CRINGE: (also in no particular order)

1. Renesmee

2. No one died, and I was so prepared to handle a death! (Of course, at the same time I’m glad they all survived.)

3. Embry and Quil not following Jake to his new pack.

4. No big fight scene – I love fight scenes.

5. Kinky sex scenes were left to our imagination, thus there were no blushing twelve year olds feeling very awkward indeed.

6. Edward not actually biting Bella. Syringes aren’t half as exciting.

7. Alice & JasperĀ leaving.

8. Well, I’m out of things I didn’t like. Honestly, there weren’t many, and things like Alice & Jasper leaving are justĀ lame fillers – they had to leave! It was part of the plot and it fit in just fine! I was just sad cos I like Alice & Jasper.

Overall, I am pretty pleased with how it all went. It turned a little fan fic at times, like with the baby and all, but Meyer said that this is what she had originally planned many moons ago, before all us crazy fans, thus I cannot whinge about her falling into fan fic territory.

I promise I loved it, I guess I was kind’ve hoping Bella would stay human right until almost the very end. I couldn’t relate to vampire-Bella, which made it a little difficult I guess.

But please Stephenie, do not do a spin off using Renesmee! Your idea to use Leah is far more exciting and fresh and original because it’s the OTHER end of the spectrum! (The werewolves, rather than the vampires.)

Also, I love Leah. Yeah.

The End.