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“My challenge now is to ensure that I’m not the best Opposition Leader never to have become prime minister.”

Says Tony Abbott, in his speech after he failed to win the majority after the end of a 17 day election battle from hell. On the 7th of September, 2010.

Um, pretty sure you can shove that shit up your ass Abbott, for one that position is Kim Beasley’s and for two if you SAY it about yourself it becomes even less true. Don’t be so pig-headed.

And pretty sure I had plans to move to NORTH KOREA rather than return back to Australia at the end of my stint in America if Abbott won government.

Yeah. Exactly.

Don’t be such an egotistical shit Abbott, no one likes a bragger.

YAY GILLY!

Dear Julia Gillard,

I had a dream! A dream that one day I would wake up, look in the mirror, smile, and be able to say “Hallo, first female Prime Minister of Australia.” and my reflection would smile back at me and I would be pleased.
Thank you so much for stealing my dream.

That was a sneaky sneaky trick you pulled there on Wednesday night/Thursday morning (don’t point fingers, Julia Gillard, I care not for who started it! Only that you finished it!) and it shocked the nation. Julia Gillard, I was late to work because I was glued to that television, watching you become top dog. I was initially pissed off… but then I was so proud of you because I never quite understood anything Kevin Rudd ever said, I often wondered if he spoke a language known to man or if he was from a far distant planet. You, however, Julia Gillard, speak the plainest of Englishes and my initial anger towards you and your coup was quickly subsided by my growing love for you and your frankness.

Of course, you are only caretaker Prime Minister, and it is yet to be seen if the people will vote you in officially, symbolically (as of course, we vote for individual candidates who make up party majorities) because we can only vote for you in our minds… Which we do. Don’t fight me on this, people of Australia, I know you consider the party leader when it comes time to decide your vote, regardless of who your local member is. (Mine is Julie Bishop!)

Now Julia Gillard, I know it seems small of me to be angry at you for stealing my dream, as shouldn’t the feminist in me be rejoicing that you, a lady, has come to hold what is one of the most powerful positions in AUstralia? Well yes, I am actually. You may have stolen my dream, but I am pleased it is you, despite also being a little upset you are a dream stealer.

You see, Julia Gillard, I am a well educated voter, a swing voter at that, and someone who has had a deep interest in politics since I was a small girl of nine years old (I was a key player in campaigning for a republic Australia to my class mates in primary school.) and I have always taken a keen interest in the happenings of our nation. Infact, I have gone on to major in Political Science at University and I was always baffled by Kevin Rudd. As an educated voter, I had no idea what he stood for or anything policy-wise… but you, you have only been in power MERE DAYS and already I have a grasp on what you hope to do for our fair nation. Julia Gillard, if the people throw their support behind you (as I will also be doing), I will be glad to call you my Prime Minister. (However, as you are still only a mere caretaker PM, you do not gain my full respect yet… that coup was a bit shifty, whoever is to blame!)

Julia Gillard, you have the potential to be an awesome Prime Minister, please don’t let me down. Julia Gillard, I am counting on you! BE AWESOME! Do not become vague like Kevin Rudd, or creepily buff like Tony Abbott, stay true to you and I will love you!

Also I am really super impressed that youfrom are Adelaide, I too am from Adelaide (RADELAIDE!) and it is an awesome place! 🙂

Love, Georgia
(also a future female PM of Australia, even though she now cannot be the first)

p.s. Ryan Seacrest, what kind of NORMAL eight year old boy plays on his mobile phone all day? BLANKET JACKSON IS NOT A NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY! NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOYS DO NOT HAVE MOBILE PHONES! He is a VERY LUCKY eight year old boy in that he has a mobile phone. (Obviously in other aspects he has been quite unlucky, like losing his father, but that is irrelevant to my rant right now, as sad as MJ’s passing was.) RYAN SEACREST SERIOUSLY! I LOVE YOUR SHOW! (E! News is my guilty pleasure, I am addicted…) BUT YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO REALITY, BLANKET IS NOT A NORMAL EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY AND NEVER WILL BE! /endrant.

Tomorow is a very important day.

Of course, whilst most of you know November 11th as Rememberance Day, aka the end of WW1, where we all stand for a minutes silence in the morning, for all the fallen soldiers of our wars, and whilst I do too, I also remember another very significant Australian historical event that happened on November 11th in 1975.

So I just want to get in first to wish you all a Happy 1975!

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My favourite and yet saddest day in Australian history. Ok, so I wasn’t alive, hell my parents were still at school! (or, I think my dad was just starting uni…?) But Whitlam is the single coolest pollie we’ve ever had – seriously, he’s like 92 and he’s still cool!

For the ignorant, I’ll give you the VERY quick facts:
(if you want to know more, check out Whitlam Dismissal.com)

– Gough Whitlam was elected Prime Minister of Australia in 1972. The Labor Party had not been in power for like nearly 30 years. It was a pretty big deal.

– It was a very close win, and they didn’t quite hold a majority in the Senate – they needed other parties support.

– So the Senate was being a cow, and Whitlam’s government was unable to pass any bills because the Senate was a big poo and kept blocking them!

– In particular, the government was running out of money cos the Senate kept blocking various bills and the budget (and thus money flow to the government), and really, the Senate isn’t allowed to block the budget – it says so in the Constitution.

– There was a double dissolution (1974) – where both houses (House of Reps and Senate) go up for re-election. Whitlam was re-elected.

And from here on, everything happens in 1975:

– A senator died, a senator retired and a senator was appointed into another position. They were all replaced with people from other parties – despite convention that if you leave mid-term, you are replaced with someone from your party. Opposition held the balance of power.

– More problems, Senate continued to be a frigid bitch, so they had to hold a joint-sitting of the houses where they all sat down together and discussed some bills and passed them.

– So then the Opposition turns into a complete and utter cow and keeps blocking the supply until Whitlam calls an election due to the continued problems in the Senate. Whitlam is all like “excuse me, I am the mighty super Whitlam (because he is) and you are all dirty, corrupt pollies who want my job!” (which they were)

– Then there’s all these constitutional problems (you know, over how we elect government and the powers of the houses and conventions and such) and the whole parliament is messed up and it’s not fair because Whitlam was so what the country needed and it was all ruined!

– And then Governor General Kerr, who is the biggest villain in all of Australian history, goes and acts completely outside his powers and talks to Chief Justice Barwick (who I used to look up to, man!) and decides to take matters into his own hands.

– So Whitlam decides to announce a half-election of the Senate in an attempt to fix the problems once and forall and tells GG Kerr to go organise it.

– Kerr, the backstabber that he is, ignores Prime Minister Whitlam and then goes and DISMISSES (sacks) him from office! Because you know, he thought he could totally just act above the law and convention and ignore the will of Australia (who elected Whitlam) and just sack their saviour, even though this completely contradicts the whole idea of democracy and even though Whitlam was the reason Kerr-devil even got the job as Govenor General and even though it was clearly just the Senate that needed sacking.

And that final point happened on November 11th, 1975. Yes, on Rememberance Day.

And yes, my account is COMPLETELY and utterly bias, but it’s also pretty much factual as well, so whatevs in your face. Whitlam was amazing, and what he managed to get done was amazing and the people knew it, but the stupid snotty Liberal pollies were blind and didn’t know how to appreciate such an amazing political saviour.

In honour of Whitlam, please put some time aside to celebrate him tomorrow, maybe after your minutes silence, and maybe spare a moment or two for GG Kerr-upt, cos…

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So here’s to Whitlam, the greatest Prime Minister of Australian history… until I get there.

And please don’t forget your red poppies (or your minutes silence) tomorrow for our fallen soldiers! They did us proud, no matter what you think of our involvement in the various wars of our history. (And let me tell you, I don’t agree to war ever, except maybe against Kerr-upt) I’ve already got my poppy attached to my bag.

The 11th of the 11th is a big day, you better go get a good nights rest.

Sweet dreams of Whitlam and poppies!

xoxo